...long time ago...

Picture yourself when you're getting old.
Sat by the fireside a ponderin on.
Picture book, pictures of your mama, taken by your papa,
A long time ago.
Picture book, of people with each other, to prove they love each other,
A long time ago.

I sort of wonder if there is anyone I can go on a walk with anymore without having to talk much.
I sort of wonder why the days lately haven't felt like days at all, but more like spaces between dreams.
I sort of wonder why nothing feels as substantial as before, as if it isn't real.
I sort of wonder if how long I could walk by myself before becoming disillusioned.
I sort of hate disillusionment.
I sort of fear disillusionment.
I sort of feel sick of hearing that word.


::edit::

Things around me are not real. There is music playing in my ears that has all the certainty of tomorrow, and all the reality of a young child’s dreams. I feel the urge to walk on the earth that does not support the weight of my body. I know the smell of the outdoors but it is unfamiliar today. I am stuck in a day that is not a day, but instead a period between dreams. My actuality consists of factuality’s mistakes.

Odd.

It seems like whenever I read something bad or hear something bad, or really, when anything bad happens, I am always listening to the climax of an upbeat song.

"Don't overload yourself senior year, you'll get senioritis. Er...you'll increase the senioritis"

I know that you'll go soon. You'll find out so take me with you always.

I love Natalie Taylor for making me that CD by the way.
There was a long pause between then and now. I'm listening to Be Good now.

Anyways...

I'm lonely. Is that weird? I mean, I suppose it makes sense. I just miss having someone close by to hold me. Then again, even if I wasn't in this relationship I wouldn't have someone close by to hold me because...well...I just don't know that I'd be interested. So I guess I have no room to complain. I mean I got myself here, but still. I'm just a bit lonely. It makes me sad sometimes. It made me really sad the other night. I feel bad for Tyler, because I was crying and kinda being a passive agressive bitch. I don't think he knew what to do, and I don't think he realized how much I missed him in that moment. I guess it just happens to everyone.
I know it does.

I feel really detached from music ever since my iPod broke. It's frustrating me like crazy. I used to swim in it, if not drown in it. Now I am limited to a CD by the Microphones and the CD that Natalie Taylor made me. Thank for those though, or else I'd be going insane. I lost all of my Neutral Milk Hotel. And everything else that was on Steve's computer. Which was half of my good music. Plus I haven't put anything on this tiny 2 gig that my parents let me have (because they never used it) yet, so none of my music is portable because I don't have a CD player.
Gah.

I really feel like swimming. And loving.

It's fine.

Why didn't you call?
Why didn't you respond?
Why didn't you do something?
What does it matter to you?
Really, what does it matter to you?
Were you even listening?
Did you even care or was it just a nuisance?
Can you even admit to me that it was?
What. the. FUCK?
Do you even get how I feel right now?
I know you didn't hear what I was saying the first time.
You only realized when I called back.
But you obviously didn't realize then either.
Not until your Dad was making you get off the phone did you realize.
Well fuck it.
Whatever.

WHATEVER.

...

I never realized that my voice could reach the register that my mom's does when she's upset and screaming.
I guess it can.

This was an exhausting day.

Writing

http://feathersandribbons.blogspot.com/

Check it out.

With love.

It's been almost 20 days since I last wrote.

Just incase you didn't already know, DC was awesome. Probably the best time in my entire life up to this point.

And I met a boy there.
Or really, I met many boys there, as the ratio of boys to girls was 4 to 1, and there were about 400 people there. So I actually met several boys there, many of which I miss like crazy, since they live all over the country. I also met a girl, Mileysa, who lives in Puerto Rico. I love her to death.

But back to what I was getting at.

I met a boy there named Tyler. He's batshit insane and he is incredibly awesome and he lives in Virginia and I am his girlfriend.

The long distance thing...we'll make it work. It's working so far. The 18th...
I'm making him a box tomorrow with Chelsea. We have to figure out what to put in it. ;D

Now!
For anyone who is interested...
Write a story, or a poem, or SOMETHING based off of the line "and all the pretty hair fell down."
Post it in your blog obviously.
Hell, it can even just be one LINE.
Just...write something.
I'm interested.
I will write something too, and post it once I finish it.
Hopefully I'll post it by next Friday.
But I want to know what you all come up with also...