The other day I was sitting there thinking about how much of a mess everything and everyone is. Do you ever wonder what things would be like if we could just start it over? I don't know if I mean go back to the start, because I'm not sure how that would work. I have an odd feeling that it's possible that I would have ended up going out with Justin if I had the option to go back to the start, and I don't want that, not that Justin is gross, but I want to be with Jake. But, what if we could all just start over. Just like, everyone agrees to forget the past and start fresh? Would that be nice? To just be able to clear your record and just start with raw feelings toward everything instead of having all this mess and confusion and history to mess everything up?
But what if we did actually go back and start over? I wonder what would have happened. My first impressions would have been better, or maybe just different. I could have made less of an ass of myself, but what if I had a great impression with, say, Jake at first? Things would not have likely turned out how they are now. But then again, isn't that the point, to change things? Yes, and no, I say. I want things to change, but I want the basic skeleton to be the same. I just want the tone of everything to be different. Better. Except, that isn't possible is it? You can't get everyone to agree to start over because that isn't how humans are programmed, but wouldn't that be a great thing? You wouldn't have to deal with your past all the time. You wouldn't have to look back and wish that things had been different, because you wouldn't have to look back at all.
That's what I want.
...
Or is it?
It's time to begin, isn't it?
12 years ago
1 comment:
you know what. sometimes, i would love to just erase what happened and start over as a new person. but as soon as i think that, i realize that every single event that's ever happened has brought me to where i am today. i mean, you never really realize how important every move is. like, taking a different route in the hallway one day maybe you smiled at someone and they thought it was sweet and from then on they had a better opinion of you. or [this is a true story, btw] you go to sahana's block party even though you almost had to do something else that day. and the entire day, there's this cute blonde boy that you keep smiling at. and it turns out, 6 months later, you're dating him and you never even knew it was him until a few months into you dating. i mean, everything we do is for a reason, so to go back and erase it all would completely screw up who we are today.
but i would want to go somewhere and start over. i'm probably going to do that when i go to college. i'm planning on going to college in FL, so i'm probably going to completely restart my entire life, become a new person. meet entirely new people.
but i would never ever erase my past for the world.
haha, that was kinda long. oh well.
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