My Day is Coming

Sometimes I wonder why we bother with all this shit. Every once in a while I stop and think, "Why am I watching TV? Why is the computer so important to me, and how come everytime I pull up the internet I type in meebo.com or myspace.com. Why do I even go on the internet at all?" What is the point of doing these things? There has to be a point, right? Everything has a point, aren't I correct? I mean, supposedly every person has a point, which would make one think that everything has a point too. So what is the point of watching hours of mindless television, or even supposedly mindful television. What is this going to do for me? Also, what is the point of getting dressed everyday? Or at least, what is the importance of looking good? There really is no importance. I mean, I suppose that to us, it is important but why is it that we find it important? The thing is, I'm not even sure I think that it shouldn't have importance. This is a phase, right? Human existance is a phase so part of this phase are these things. Television, clothing, making an impression on other souls, using the computer, getting a job; it's all important to what we call the human existance. No, it's not crucial to make us survive, but it is how we live. I just want to know the importance. Though really, I guess what I want to know, is the importance of myself. I feel, I feel like I have something inside of me, this thing, or knowledge, or power, I'm not sure but I feel like I have this importance, but I don't know what it is. It feels like everytime I get a clue it slips away, so when will be the time that all these clues finally fit together? When will be the time that all these clues will work out in my mind? Then again, sometimes I worry that I am making up all of this. I think that maybe I'm just insane and I'm making up all of this in my head in some strive to feel important, and that I'm going to die insane, still believing that my day will come. My day will come.

...

I can't say what I want to. I can't, I can't, I can't get the words out. I can't stop stuttering. My words are clear and pointless but my mind is stuttering. I'm stuttering. I can't stop, can't start, can't say, can't can't can't. I can't say what I wanna say.

I can't say what I wanna say.

I can't say, can't say, can't say. I can't hear the words. I can't stand up. I'm cold. I'm freezing. So cold. So, so, cold. Cold and stuttering. I can't stop shaking. My leg is shaking. No words. No words. No words. no words. Error, error, error. Error! Can not compute. I can't think straight. People are caught in barbed wire and I. Can't. Think. Straight. Barbed Wire. Stutter. Smother. Industrialize. Cassius. Sock Puppets. U-Boats. Hoodie. Harvard. Mind. Mind-set. Thoughts. Fuck. Poems. Regular People. death. Tanks. Agile. Speed. drugs. Stuck. Shaking. Shaking. No understanding, no understanding, no comprehension, error, error, error. My words are so lost. My words are so gone. I want my stupid flow back. I want my words back. I want my fucking words back. Poison gases, machine guns, no words. Words, no flow. Flow, no words. Flow and words, nothing to say. I can't have my words come together with my flow and my mind. My flow in my mind doesn't exist. Doesn't exist. error, can't find file. Can't find file. Can't find my feet. Can't find my hands. Can't find my mind. There's a knife at the end of a gun, but I can't find my mind.

Did you throw away my poem(s)?

I want the smother one back, if not.

Things to do things to do things things to do things to use things to use things to use.

C-H-A-N-G-E

Sometimes I like to pretend that I am writing my blogs as a column for a magazine. It often feels that way as I sit down to write; like what i am writing is truly going to be published when I clikc publish post. Now, you may be wondering why I am telling you this, and there is a reason. I always feel like I have to be writing about something groundbreaking. I feel like there has to be an important underlying thing to each post of mine, to add mystery and thought to every post. First off, I like writing like that. I like everything I say when I type these posts out to have meaning. However, this means that I have to have something groundbreaking to say before I write, doesn't it? I think, possibly, that I always seem to be able to find something to say, while usually not groundbreaking, at least a little though provoking.
So what is it that I am going to talk about today, that is thought provoking possibly to the point of groundbreaking? Change. Obviously, change in and of itself is a thought provoking subject. People think about it all the time, in one way or another. It has been brought to my attention in the past, well, to be quite honest, day. Then, quickly, after just a little thought about change, a lot of things changed for me. Most of which pertain to relationships, though I'm not really going to go too far into that.
Everyone will change overtime, but how exactly do we deal with it? How do we deal when we realized that we are no longer the same person that we used to be, and possibly, that we aren't what we want to be. Now, I'm not saying this is applying to me, and I feel that a lot of times I speak as if I am talking about myself when I'm not, so I wanted to clarify that before I continue.
What happens when we realize that we are not where we want to be, and we have to clutch on the people around us to keep us standing? And what happens when they aren't there, even if it's just for an hour? How do you continue to stand without your crutches? Do you simply fall, or do you hobble around? Really though, you can't hobble for all that long, can you? I think that this is where depression falls in for a lot of people. They are too far gone from everything they used to be and too far away from everything and/or everyone they need. Where do you go then? I don't think I want to find out, and I don't think I want anyone else to find out either.