I wanted to talk about a few points which I've thought about as of late, or that something brought to my attention. These would be crying, love, trust, confusion, music, and family. You can assume as you will how these were brought to my attention, but please don't jump to the obvious conclusion; it's not right.
First off; crying. I just stopped watching the music video to "When You Were Young," by the Killers, which wasn't what brought crying to my attention, but it's what compelled me to post. Crying is an incredibly difficult thing to do. It's easy to start, hard to finish, and painful to take part of. I don't understand people who don't cry. How can you not cry? How does that work as a person? How does that work while having human emotions and feelings. It isn't something that makes you weak. It's something that shows that you are living. You can't live a life free from pain. I don't believe that's possible, and that isn't being cynical, that is being honest. There is no life without pain, there is emptiness. There for, there is no life without crying. I think that's why crying is so painful; life needs the pain. Maybe that's why people cry so much.
Love. Such a simple word, but I don't need to tell you how confusing, busy, talked about, meaningul, meaningless, over used, under used, forgotten, and remembered this word is. It's everything wrapped up into one that is so easy to give out, so easy to recieve, and yet so hard to prove. How can you really prove your love to someone? Why is it that it is so difficult to think about someone not believing that you love them? Why is it so hard to believe that someone loves you? What circumstances does there have to be to allow love to happen? Do you really have to be able to love yourself before you can love someone else? There are so many different forms of love though. How can you really figure out what someone means when they say they love you. To what extent? Do they want to be yours forever, or do they just want to be your friend forever? Which is it? I wish that I knew. I wish I knew the answers of how everone truly felt. I wish I knew how I truly felt about half the people I know, and I wish I could prove to the few people I know for a fact that I love that I love them. I wish.
I don't think that you have to be totally honest to be trustworthy. However, that doesn't stop me from wishing I knew the truth behind peoples words. I hate that you can't trust the things coming out of peoples mouths. I hate that you can't know what parts of what people say you can trust, and what parts you can only trust to be false. That is why I wish I could read peoples minds. You don't have to trust someone if you know what they are thinking. Especially if they don't know that you know what they are thinking. So, I wish I knew just what was going on in the heads of the people I trust, especially when I know they're lying, which, by the way, doesn't make me trust them less. Trust isn't all about knowing the honesty in every situation, it's knowing that people will have your back and give you the truth when the situation really calls for it.
Confusion really goes with the whole trust thing, and the whole someone you trust lying thing. When you get a suspiscion someone you trust is lying, the only result is confusion. What is it that is really going on. Confusion happens to everyone, so I'm sure that everyone knows what I'm talking about. It just sparks your curiosity, confusion, doesn't it? If you are confused because you don't know what is true, then all you have left is plain curiosity of what is true. So, really, confusion just makes you want to know more. And well all know about curiosity.
Music is something that I think I can cover pretty quickly. Music is taking over everyones lives, as it always had. It affects us all so much. We express ourselves through it, feel is, let it run through our veins. Yes, run, not flow. We feel it pounding in our ears whether we listen to it loudly or quietly. It's just this magnificent thing that no one would easily give up. The best thing to alter a mood, and most affective.
I believe that family was the last thing on my list. Spending the day with a family other than your own makes you realize the importance of family. I've been thinking of my family in the past, my family in the present, and the family that I will have of my own in the future. It's interesting to think about. You don't really realize how it will be like to have a family of your own when you are my age. Fifteen is not the time to think about starting a family of your own. It is, however, interesting to think about what that family will eventually be like. Also, how important family really is. How you need that closeness to keep you going at times. How they are always there even when you forget about them. How even when you don't like them, you still can feel close to them at times. It's just an interesting and peculiar thing, family is.
That, basically, is what is on my mind right now. I believe it is now time to research Neptune. So I shall have at it.
It's time to begin, isn't it?
12 years ago
4 comments:
confusion is the paragraph that you wrote about confusion X] it took me a while to understand that.
i wish i could read peoples minds, too, because im really easy to lie to.
i wonder sometimes if love is real because you can love someone one day and not the next, or they can say they do and try to prove it and then realize that they in fact dont. if it does exist, i think its rare. because i know its not an ingrown thing, like in families or anything.
psh there are no deadlines
i like reading your posts. i don't always agree with everything you say but it's interesting anyway.
p.s. wowie, i didn't realize how much that 'two weeks' looked like a deadline. it meant 'two weeks until my parents are home'
bahahahaha
I decided to comment on this post because you wanted to remain anonymous, and it's less likely that someone will read the comments from this post and connect it with the one you made on mine.
But I do understand what you mean. About everything. Like I said, I just have more of a deeper understanding for things. I know where you're coming from, and I know what you're trying to say, so don't even worry about sounding a little "off your rocker" so-to-speak.
I do feel like it's easier to talk to you and partly from those few nights together with everyone. On the other hand, I think it might also be from the fact that we've just spent a shit load of time together in only a few days. I mean, it used to be that we would hang out periodically but never really do much, where as now it's more frequent. I'm glad you feel like talking to me because I'm good at listening. I like to feel needed, and I like to know that someone has faith enough to confide in me when they have problems, even if I can't do much for them.
You did say over the phone though that sometimes you just get tired of people being around, and to be honest that was part of the reason I left on Saturday morning. Not because I was tired of being around you, I just more or less got the feeling that everyone was tired of being around me, which sort of stems from the fact that I know I can be rather annoying (although many people would contest to the contrary). But I do like being around you. You have this strange presence about you that you almost seem to ooze ease (doesn't that sound funny to say?). You're just... easy to be around and easy to get along with, and you share a lot of common interest with me so it's hard to bicker. Plus we are on the same intellect level so it can't get boring.
And I plan on hanging out with you a lot more in the summer, perhaps sometimes with Steve and his friends, perhaps with just us, but I look forward to it. Maybe we'll finally get the chance to really know each other.
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