Chelsea Cole, I love you.

Did you ever once think you were going to end up this way when you were in fourth grade? Did you ever think, "I'm going to be the girl sitting on the computer at midnight who is trying to get her life in check before life checks her?" Did you ever think that you were going to be the strongest, tallest one moment, and then crumble for just an instant, and realize that you're only half the size you were before, and you have to work yourself up again? Did you ever think about anything that you find to be real?
What makes some people able to have long, rambling, "deep" discussions and others not? What seperates us from the rest of the world who is afriad of what lies within them, and hides from strong feelings? Why is it that some people seem more capabale of feeling the extreme than others, and that we lead our lives differently? Am I wrong about this fact? No, I'm not saying that others don't feel, but they don't feel the same, if that makes any sense. Do I ever make any sense?
Do we need the people that we surround ourselves with? Why do I want to rest my head on your chest and cry sometimes, and other times I want to rest my head on your chest and feel all the joy in the world? Why can I not keep my emotions in check, even when I'm calm? And that's the thing. I'm calm right now, I'm not feeling sad, I'm just feeling with no particular feeling at all. I'm the hypocrtical oxymoron, and anything you call me is a misnomer. I'm what I am but I don't know what that is, and who can?

No one saved us,
No ones gonna save us now...
[taking lyrics out of context]

Where do I lie in my life? Why do I write posts like these everytime I'm feeling good? Why do I drag myself back under? Why do I force myself to feel? I think I need to cry. I think I need to cry despite having no reason to cry. I think that I need to get one last, good, true, cry out before I can continue to improve, before I can get past this, this...this nothing that is holding me back.

Heh.
And how my mood changes when I start trying to describe Justin and Colin to someone.
Oh the ways of my mind.
Oh captain, my captian.