Someone is a douche!

I just read my last post, and I started to think about what I was thinking when I wrote that, and I am a complete douche sometimes. I'm sure that most of you were aware of that, I mean, everyone is a douche sometimes. So in summary of these last couple sentences, no two people are not complete douches (I hope you got that reference).
So, now that I am in a bit of a better mood then I was during my last post (I think watching Spaceballs totally helps with that), let me make a real, satisfying post.
So what is it about New Years that makes people think about life? It's the end of a calendar year, and maybe it's just because of what JJ said in A Long Way Down (which I'm thinking maybe I should read tonight?), but what is all that significant about the end of a calendar year? Now I'm saying this rather hypocritically because I too have been thinking today. I have this mood that I tend to get in at the end of the year. I think that I got Lizzi mad at me because of that mood. I wasn't being exactly supportive of her, which is pretty stupid because she is there for me almost all of the time. So if she is reading this, then I'm sorry for that. Anyways, getting off that bit of a tangent and back to my hypocriticalness (which I don't think is a word), why is it that people reflect so much? How much do they think of the future? They decide what it is that they want to change, but as far as I have seen, that is it. Do they ever think about what they want to keep the same? Speaking of resolutions, what are mine? Are they even resolutions or just things that I want to think about through the year? I suppose what I am asking is what are my visions of 2008? How exactly do I go about answering that question? I suppose I'll just have to start at the beginning.
My Visions- Next year is going to be a lot like other years. I will talk about changing the things that I have always wanted to change, but most likely I won't actually change anything. Or then again, is that how it's going to happen? Maybe this will be the year that I change all the things that I've wanted to change. I don't know if I'll be able to do it myself. I need reminders. I get lazy. Maybe I just need ideas of how to keep my positive changes going.
What are the things that I want to change? I want to overall calm myself. I want to stop taking little things and making big deals out of them. I walk to stop freaking out and causing other people (as in, Jake) to freak in return. I want to stop being lazy and maybe actually do something once in a while. If I want to stay in any sort of shape I might as well work for it. Speaking of working for it, I want to work for my grades too. Instead of skiving off and not doing my work I want to actually get home, do the dishes, and then do my homework. I won't have the stress, and one less stress in my life makes things better. This may sound weird, though it would make sense to one person, but it will give me more room for other stresses, in specific, another persons stresses. He may hate that I even think that, but still.
So what exactly are my visions for next year? My visions that life is going to continue, some changes may happen, actually, changes will happen for sure. I change every year, and I'm sure I will continue to change. I see me staying with Jake, especially is I do calm myself like I said I want to. I see my grades staying decent even if they aren't the A's that I would like. I can't actually see anything, because I can't see the future. So really, I just wonder what will happen.
So now I am watching Rain Man. I'm not going to watch the ball drop. I do love Tom Cruise as an actor though, just so you know. So does my brother. We had a little conversation about it. Dustin Hoffman is pretty cool too. I like him a lot better when he was younger than the stuff that he's in now.
So in the spirit of experiencing the movie, I'll post later. Maybe I'll even tell you about my experience of time pushing me into a new year.

It's a tie.

Right now, it's a tie. A few people may remember my old blog. The amount of posts which it reached before I dumped it was 18 which also happens to be how many I have right now. Hopefully this one will make it into the new year, and some how, I think it'll make it past 18 as I'm planning to have another post tonight.
So where should I start with this one? How about today?
So far I have played Guitar Hero 3, Aunt Lori and A.J. left, and I watched Akira (the movie, and for those of you who aren't so anime inclined, have you seen the music video for Stronger. You know that part where he's in that machine with the things going around him? It's from this). It was pretty friggen awesome. The guy who does Kaneda's voice reminds me of Ichigo's, and the whole thing reminded me of Paranoia Agent in a strange way, but both of those things came after Akira, so, yeah. Anyways, it was pretty cool, but I missed two calls from Jake. I won't be seeing him today. Doesn't that suck? I mean, he's had plans for a while for New Years night so I don't mind about that, but, just, I wish we were fucking older so we wouldn't have to rely on other people to hang out.
Anyways.
I'm trying to think of a New Year's resolution.
I don't know.
I'll write later today or tommorow.
Yeah.
Bye.

And so another year passed by...

And now I'm 15. It was a pretty good birthday, I woke up by Jake calling me at the time I was born, 9:09. Then Steve attacked me with pillows. xD
Hana also called early in the morning, but I was in the shower so I called her back. It was very nice to know that people were thinking about me (not to mention the billion facebook and myspace comments!)
Anyways, so why was my birthday so nice? As side from presents and all that, Jake came over today, which was the first time that I had ever seen a friend of mine on my birthday, and it was even better that it was Jake. I must say that my favorite present of the day was simply SEEING him, I like that even better than the beautiful earrings he got me and my new camera. I'm so glad that I met him. Honestly.
So tommorow...that would be Christmas, as I'm sure most of you know by looking at the date of this post. What will happen on Christmas? I have to admit that I'm not sure it'll be a whole lot. I don't know how well I'll be able to concentrate. How much do you all bet that I'll end up reading or on the computer, or probably both at some point. Not that I mind, I mean, geez, I have to say that I love reading.
Now, completely changing the subject, I had a discussion about beliefs the other day (yay, getting back to how my posts USUALLY are). It made me realize that I still basically believe what I had decided in seventh grade. I hadn't really thought about my beliefs much lately, but I just started talking, and everything I was saying I was confident about...and it was all from seventh grade. I don't know how many people know what I set my beliefs as in seventh grade, but they are pretty interesting when I can fully explain them. It's all about what you could call your spirit. It's sort of like your inner god. We each have a personal god. There is a sort of reincarnation, but not of the normal sort. Your destiny is set by yourself when you are born. All the souls are seperate but they communicate like people, but seperate from ourselves. Two souls can be communicating while the people are across the world from each other. It's what causes our destinies to work out with other peoples destinies. They don't CONTROL us, because we set them ourselves. I don't know how much sense any of this makes, but I think it's an interesting idea at the very least.
Anyways, Merry Christmas, good-bye.

By the way, that's creepy as hell.

I am not sure if you know this or not, but it's really hard to do what you are supposed to when someone tells you to do otherwise and then give you an amazing kiss. I did not, however, succumb to the amazingness, and I went to Matt Berger's party. Or maybe it was Tam's party. I'm not really sure, but I went. It was pretty fun, mostly I played Halo 3 and Guitar Hero 3. I can finally actually move and shoot and kill in Halo 3...if I play on easy. xD Still, I must say it's an improvement to what I could do before, which was just about nothing. I am very excited.
I finally got Jake's present today. It took a little while to pick out, but I think that he'll like it a lot if it fits correctly. I showed it to a couple people and they said it was very "Jake-esque". I hope that he agrees with that. I'm just not sure when I'm going to be able to get it to him, maybe tommorow? Hopefully not Teri's party, but I can't wait for that either.
So, unfortunately, I still do not have my words back. It would be incredibly nice if I did, but maybe I'll just have to wait? Maybe I'll just have to keep trying to write. Just...when something comes to mind write it. Keep writing these lists that I've been writing, and slowly make my way back into being able to write something that is worth anything to anyone? We'll see what happens.
As another quick note, I am incredibly glad that break is here. I am nervous about meeting my aunt, but I still have about a week, well that's a like, less then a week, but it's not even my birthday yet. Sorry that this is a horribly short post, or at least for me, but I'm out for now, my family keeps trying to read over my shoulder. Which by the way, is creepy as hell.

Guess who hasn't wrote in 20 days?

KATIE! That's who! Well luckily that should mean that I have a lot to update, so we'll see how it goes, 'eh?

First off, as some of you may no today (well, yesterday) was me and Jake's 2 month. It's such a weird amount of time, you can't really make a big deal about it, but it's still nice to know that we've been together for a while, but it feels like it should have been longer. This next month will probably go faster, but who knows.
For the quick overview, he came over, we talked for a bit, we went to Panera with my parents, went back home, made-out, blah, blah, blah. You probably could have guessed all that without me even telling you. Stefan and Laurie picked him up which was entertaining. I think that if I talked to them more I would really like Laurie, and obviously I'd probably like Stefan, but just saying. Anyways, if you want to know more about all this just ask me, and I'll talk with what I feel comfortable with, I guess.
Break is coming up, which I am so completely ready for. I'm going home with Matt Berger on Wednesday, and so is Tam. That's Jake's bus so it's cool, but we are going to help set up for the party and then we are going to you know, have a party. xD Then later when break has actually started there is another amazing party I am looking forward too, and then, my birthday.
I can not honestly say that I am excited for my birthday. Normally I anticipate it, count it down at least a little bit, think about it, same with Christmas. Now my birthday is less then 10 days away and I still have hardly thought about it. I'm not uber excited for getting presents, in fact, I could hardly think of presents to put on the list. I'm not doing anything for my birthday, I'm really not all that excited. 15 seems to be looming over my head too. It doesn't sound right in my head, 15? Hmm...I don't know if I want to be 15 yet. Can we just hold that off for a few months? I kind of like being 14. Not like it'll make a big difference but still. Is this what highschool does to you? I haven't seemed to look forward to any of the things I usually do, and I don't notice the things I used to. I know it's not just me because other people have brought it up. It's just...strange. But speaking of Christmas, guess who still hasn't gotten Jake, Andrea or Teri something yet? You guessed it, ME! I am so screwed. I need to find Jake a present, but I am finding it increasingly difficult and I want to find something perfect, but at this point, I just want to find something that I think he'll like, but I can't seem to do it. I want to get him a great present but I am so incapable of it. I wish I knew EXACTLY what he wanted and EXACTLY where to get it, I mean, just like somehow knew it. And apparantly he's getting me something sweet because whenever people learn what it is they go, "Aww," and look at me with that, you-are-so-lucky-to-have-someone-like-that look. So how am I going to look when I can't fucking find anything!?!? GAHHH! Maybe I should have listened when he said he didn't want anything, but I know that I'd feel bad not getting him anything. Bleh.
Anyways, break. Yeah. Again. Looking forward to it. Steve is home until January 7th, because he has a long ass break, which I am totally jealous of. It's pretty awesome. It should be interesting to have him around again. Also interesting to have around will my my Aunt Lori and cousin A.J. whom I have never met before (either of them). I'm actually really nervous about meeting them. It's like, I should have known these people all my life, but I don't, so now they are going to meet me when I've already basically grown up, and what are they going to think of me? Are they going to like me? Are we supposed to love each other, I mean, we are related after all? She's gonna be here from the 26th to the 31st, so it's not like it's an insanely long time or anything, I'm just a little bit terrified. The only person who's listened to me when I say this though is Lizzi, if I mention it to other people (even Jake) they are just like, mmhm, yeah. It's so lame, I kind of want to talk about this. I mean, it's just so strange that I'm just meeting my aunt and I know virtually nothing about her, and then when I meet her she's going to be staying at my house and see...ME. I guess Steve isn't too excited about her coming up here. I wonder if Erica is going to come down here at all this break, or if they'll just see each other back up at school (Erica is Steve's girlfriend).
Anyways, I ought to be going. Good night people. ;D

Katie is not a Guitar Hero, Katie is a Guitar Loser.

It's the long break, and I have 3 more days left including today. A quick overview of how it's gone so far:
Wednesday after school- Pick up Steve and girlfriend (Erica) from school....very long car ride.
Thursday- Go to Uncle Daryl's house, eat, hang out for a bit, come home, go on the computer for a while. Play guitar hero that night while sort of talking to Jake, who says he wants to hang out with me on Friday really badly.
Friday- Wait for Jake to call for a little bit, decide to call him, he doesn't answer, call him a few more times, no answer, get frustrated, day is wasted, end up going to mall with parents and bookstore that night. Talk to Jake later that night who explained that he got pulled into family stuff and didn't have his phone. He says I'll call you tommorow at 10.
Saturday: It's 10:35, still no sign of Jake calling. Again.
Okay, so I don't want to be one of those whiny girls who complains about how her boyfriend won't call her all the time, but this is the second day in a row, and it's really frustrating me. DOES he really want to see me? I mean if he does I would have thought that he would have called me or something, I know that he's up because he was online earlier, but was away, and then signed off. So shouldn't he call me like he said he was going to so we can hang out, and if we can't hang out can't he at least call me to tell me so, so I won't have another wasted day? This is really getting me kind of upset. I haven't seen him outside of school in forever, I think something like 2 weeks. I miss him, but he doesn't call. My god that frustrates me. I think I am going to go beat up a tree or something to take out my anger.
If he doesn't call soon I suppose that I'll call him, but I really wish that he'd call me, so I would be less angry with him. Bleh.
Anyways, tommorow I am either going to the Piston's game with Lizzi and my parents, or just hanging out with Lizzi while my parents go to the game. Personally I hope for the latter, because I really don't want to go to the Piston's game, which I really didn't think about when Dad asked me, I just figured that they had already asked everyone else and I was the only option left like they usually do, but no, this was the one time they considered me first, which is dumb because I haven't watched basketball in a long time, I didn't watch it at all last season. Gah. So yeah, I hope I'm just hanging out with Lizzi tommorow.
As of Monday, I have no clue what I am doing. Hopefully I'll be spending the day with someone. I don't want to go in the car ride back up to Central whenever that is going to be. Dad stayed awake on his own, I was the one who was asleep.
So yesterday I started to make my Christmas list. I started to list books, but I cut my self off pretty soon because I realized it would cost too much money, so I made a new list that was only 8 books and 2 CD's, instead of 24 books and 12 CD's. I was tempted to put "Jones" on the list, as in, Jone's Soda, or the kind I drink "Jones Natural". Bananaberry and Strawberry Manillow are delicious. Bananaberry is my favorite though, ever since I accidentally stole one at the Harry Potter opening. Oh, the phone is ringing. God damn it, not even close to who I wanted to call. I don't care about Advantage Research. Geh.
So now on the subject of crying:
People seem to be talking about crying a lot, as in, people seem to be crying a lot, myself included I suppose. Why do we find the need to cry so much? And why do we always cry over the stupidest things that we don't want to share because it's embarrassing? Crying just makes your face blotchy and your eyes puffy, and personally, I don't think it does anything to make you feel better, you just feel like you are drowning, as you're wet and can't breath. How is drowning supposed to make you feel better? I don't want to drown, I've almost done it before.
I don't want to drown.
And who does?

"I hate when good people hate themselves"- Jake

I doubt myself too much.
I have been spazzy, paranoid and freaking out lately. I complained to Teri about all my worries, and she told them all to Jake. Normally I would have gotten angry at this, but I sort of wanted him to know how I felt. Unfortunately this made him worry that I don't trust him, and don't trust what he says (as in, I love you).
That is so incredibly wrong though. I do trust him, I just doubt myself, so I told him so, and I hoped that it wouldn't affect us. He said it would though, because it's not good for me to doubt myself. I agree, but as me and a friend of mine says, it's a hard habit to pull yourself out of. It's hard to NOT doubt yourself once you've started. But I want to not doubt myself, and I promised Jake that I would think more positively. Can you imagine how angry I would be with myself if I let my "temporary ignorance" (his words) ruin our relationship? Imagine how you would feel if you accidentally set the house on fire and everyone in there except you died. Horrible. That is sort of what I think I would be feeling.
But I don't need to feel horrible. I need to feel positive, I need to feel confident. I need to look at the good aspects of myself, not the bad. I have to stop thinking that everyone thinks I'm a scary freak. I should be able to look at all the friends I have and go, "obviously, SOME people don't" and that should be that. And it will be. I will be able to look around and feel good about myself. And I will be able to soon.
All I have to do is change my way of thinking, and I'll be all set...and I will do it. :]

Life has a good laugh at us.

Have you ever thought of life as an entity? As in, life is a being, and it is just really into self mutilation, by which I mean it just laughs at us when we mess it up? It's a very interesting way to think about it personally.
On the topic of life, why is it so hard to live? How come no matter what we do we must mess life up? And how come when you look around at people no a days, no wants wants to bother trying any more. Have you gone through a suicidal experience, thought, or anything? If you have even thought suicidally, think about it. Life was laughing at you then, wasn't it? I'm not saying this because I just tried to kill myself or something, I was just thinking about it. If you have thought about suicide, what was it that saved you? What in this world 'saved' you from telling life to stop laughing and that you'd just leave it alone now? What made you not go over to play with death instead? Was it simply by accident, like you tripped and life pulled you back or something, or was it a conscious desicion, like you got half way there and turned around deciding that death looked kind of pissed off right now and that you might want to try again later.
Does life always laugh?
Does is ever just smile?
Does it ever frown?
When it does is it because you are no longer messing it up?
Does it get bored?
Is life laughing at you?

The first tear has fallen.

I love beautiful songs. They remind me of rain. Rain is beautiful. The way it feels as it runs down your skin, the noise it makes on a rooftop, the feeling and thoughts that it brings to mind. Rain is sad like tears, but it is one of the most naturally wonderful things out there. The touch of it reminds you of why you are alive, if not simply reminding you that you are living in the first place. I love rain, and I love songs that put me in a mood.
I sincerely hope that you know the type of feeling that I am talking about. The kind that just washes over your entire body. I know that it is the type of mood I will be falling asleep with tonight. I will fall asleep crying tonight without being sad in anyway. I will greet my dreams with a watery smile, and maybe just tonight let them run free without me taking control of them. See what my subconcious says tonight, not what I say. Is it possible that my dreams could hold the beauty of the rain? I hope so.
I could stay in this mood forever. I used to call it my "coldplay" mood. A mood that that band would put me in, where everything was going to be okay, but in a sad way. Like an old person looking back on their life. It's the type of mood I have to be in to watch movies like Big Fish.

The first tears has just fallen. The chills ran through my body. This is what life is made of.

Triscuits

I will admit right off that Triscuits have absolutely nothing to do with my post, but I have been staring at an empty box of them for the past five minutes. It seemed like just as good of a title as anything else could have been. I sometimes wish that life was more like Triscuits, layered, but over all basically simple and good. Unfortunately, life is not simple and good, it is messy, confusing and only sometimes good.
There has been a lot of drama going around lately it seems. I have been caught in bits of it, and watched from the sidelines for other parts. I really feel sorry for people stuck in drama. Sure, life would be boring without a bit of it, but when you are in the middle you much rather have there be no drama at all. Luckily, I have friends to rant it all out at. I had a nice talk that lasted hours with a good friend of mine and I got a lot out, and it was nice. Of course though when I got home, more drama had been stirred up. That is how quick drama acts. There can never be a moment without it. It spreads that quickly.
Basically, that little tid-bit about drama is all the detail I really want to get into about it. Writing too much about drama can only lead to more drama, and I am not really fond of that happening. I have already had a blog cause drama, another one causing drama would be down right ridiculous.
One thing sprung into my mind from the talk that was previously mentioned. I have virtually no charisma. This is one of things about myself that bothers me most. I had never been able to phrase the wording quite correctly for what was bothering me (isn't that coincidental?), but charisma really is the right word. It's one of the main differences between me and my brother. We both attract people, and we both normally are able to get people to want to listen to us, but people like my brother more because he has more charisma. I personally am worried that charisma really is one of those things that you are either born with or you never have. I really wish I did have it though. I can work on it the best I can, but it doesn't mean that I can ever be quite there. I find this unfair. Maybe it's completley ridiculous for me to find this so, but to want something so bad and have no way of being able to gain it? How is that fair?
I'm cold. I wish this triscuit box wasn't empty.

Why yes, I have changed.

Have you ever looked back on the past few years on your life, and then looked at your life now just to see how different you are compared to back then? It really is a weird thing to think about, how you can practically be a completely new person. Unfortunately it seems that some traits stay, and not always the ones you want to stay. For example, I am still completely hard-headed, annoying, and I don't always think about everything before I act (though of course other things I think over and over and over about before I act). It really is interesting to think about yourself as two different people, me 2 years ago and me now.

Now that that's out of my way...

David Armstrong told me that he doesn't really like music. I don't get that. He's the second person I have ever met to have told me that. How can one not like music? Music is what makes me life continue without it falling into a miserable pit. I use it to release my anger, I use it to help me explode when I'm happy, I use it to sleep, I use it to think, I use it for everything. If I went back and took music out of my life it would be completely different. I wouldn't have made the same decisions, hell, I might have killed myself by now. I am listening to music right now for example. What got me through some fights? Music. So when someone tells me that they don't like music I simply do not and will never understand what they do in their life.
Switching to a completely different and unrelated topic, I was thinking about friends. The first thing I was thinking about is how my friends have changed since, say, seventh grade. I have so many different friends now, and apparantly a lot (as in Jake was telling me about how half this school seems to know him as "Katie's boyfriend"...). Anyways, so look at the friends I am with now, and then look at the friends I was friend with last year. I have a whole lot of different friends. Not to say that I don't have some of the old friends, but as Lizzi said, some longer-had friends don't even know half my friends now. Now, i dont' think this is good or bad, but it's just odd. The other things I was thinking about when it comes to friends, is what kind of friend I am. I mean, I can either be a great friend or a miserable friend. I'd like to think that I am normally a good friend, but I don't totally feel that way. There is one shining example where I am a miserable one, which I'm sure that many of you could figure out if you thought about it. It's just weird though. You always here that "quality over quantity" thing, but what is my quality as a friend? What makes people want to be my friend? I don't understand what aspects about me they like. How have I made these new friends? Seriously, how did I manage. I have always been kind of weird when first meeting people, and tend to be overly...well...I'm not even sure what the word is for what I am, but I know it would start out as overly. And then when I become comfortable with them I calm down. But...egh. Quality. It's a strange thing to think about.
So I have more to talk about, some which I am not going to put in a blog, and some of which I completely forgot that I wanted to say ,and its' really bugging me, but I am going to get going now. Peace.

Jealous hypocritical bitch!

I have been thinking philosophically, and looking in on myself in the last....well, less than 24 hours. The first thing I was thinking of wasn't so philosophical as it was about myself. I am a very hypocritical person as anyone who knows me can tell. For example, I should not make out with someone and then get angry/jealous when my boyfriend has his arm around that same person. Sure, that sounds funny, but I am a little jealous whore. I am jealous of Andrea. I don't care if it was Halloween and she was dressed up as me, I didn't like Seeing Jake's arm around her, even if it was joking. That was disgusting, but it also make me a hypocrite. But a good thing for me is that I decided I don't want to be anything sexual with anyone except Jake. Isn't that suprising coming from me?
The next thing I was thinking about was a lot more philosophical, and was brought up by Alison Ho. My brother just turned 20, and I said so to Alison, and she said that she is scared of turning 20. I thought about this for a minute, and I am afriad of getting older too. Time scares me. Time is completely uncontrollable, but it completely controls your life. You can't make it last longer, or pass by slower, it is what is is, and you can't stop that. Then, eventually, time stops and you die, and then you don't even have the comfort of something being there. You are dead. No more time controlling your life. Time is everything, but when you think about it, time is nothing. We made up time, it's endless because it doesn't exsist, but in our world, we don't have enough of it. Maybe only Natalie Cote would understand what the hell I was trying to say there, but for anyone who does, do you not agree that it is a scary thought?
The last thing that I was thinking about was both philosophical and about myself. I was thinking about how I affect someones life. Yesterday I had someone tell me that they look up to me. I had never thought of myself having any traits to be admired, and I had never thought that I was the kind of person who anyone could look up to. It made me think...how do I affect peoples lives? What is my impact upon others, and what would they be like if I had never exsisted? Would some people be more introverted? Would some people me more outgoing? Would some people be sadder...would others be happier? Would all of those be true? What would everyone else be like if I wasn't me? What is I was here but another person in my life wasn't, so I was no longer the same person? Would that change everyone else around me too? It's an interesting thing to think about. I've thought about these things before, but had never come to any type of conclusion except that I think everything would different in some way or another. When I was in 5th-8th grade I did a lot of thinking, and if you knew me in that time up until now, you can see how much I've changed. I am a lot happier now, and I lot less caring about what other people think. I think this is because I know that just by being myself I can affect people in a much more positive way. I had a friend confirm this. They said that I am refreshing after all the people who are clones. I don't know how many people agree with her, but, it's nice to know that for at least a few people I am something positive in their life. I can help. I can make someones life better. It gives you more meaning when you know that someone cares about you being there, not that you should judge your life's meaning based on other people. No matter what though, it's a good feeling.
Some less philosophical things are going on in my life too, such as the fact that Jake is going to be incredibly busy in the near future, but hopefully I get to see him this weekend. If we hang out later today then he is going to be hanging with me and Lizzi I think, which I really hope he doesn't mind, but there is just no other way we can hang out today really. If we hang out tommorow hopefully that can be by ourselves, but I really don't know how that is going to work out. Eeks. I toast him so much. xD
I lost freshman elections, which I am fine with. Steve was like, "if I had run for student council president I would have been able to win easily," and I was just kind of like, shove it Steve. Either than that though I am glad that Steve is home for the weekend. I really do miss him when he is gone, but I'm not sure how much he misses me. Is always talking about how much he doesn't like home and how he likes college better. I'm not sure that he realizes how it makes me feel when he says that, but I'm not gonna get too upset over it.
I saw Grandpa in the hospital for the first time. It was really gross when he showed us the staples from the surgeory. It was nasty, he has a really long cut up the center of his stomach all the way to his chest, and it has staples every centimeter or so. Steve hardly looked and I was trying to look away but I felt that it'd be rude, so I just kept looking until he covered it back up. I really didn't like seeing that, and I really didn't like seeing Grandpa in the hospital. He was acting the same and everything, but he was just more weak than usual, noticably, but everyone said he looked a lot better than yesterday. I can't imagine what he would have looked like yesterday. I shudder to think about it. He seems like he's going to be okay though, he should be out of the hospital soon. I'm really glad that he is gonna be fine.
OH, back to the subject of Jake. Can you believe that my parents liked him? I thought that was really strange. My brother doesn't like him, but he has no reason for not liking him as he's never met him. But I'm glad that my parents like him. I was so worried that they were going to hate him, and I spazzed out and over warned them so they thought he was gonna be this horrible kid. Then afterwards they were like, "why did you talk about him that way?" and I just kind of shrugged and didn't explain that I was just worrying so much about how you guys were going to see him. Oh well. It turned out all good.
Actually, life right now is basically all good for me. My grades appear to be doing fine too. ; D

Hun, You Just Don't Glare

First off, I must say that I find my titles on this blog more interesting then on my last blog, as those were just saying what I was going to write about in "Friends" style (check the titles of friends episodes).

Now that I got that out of my system, let me continue. Quick notes; I did do good on that Spanish test. The only one in my pod who did better was Brij, and well...duh. He got 50/50. Durr. But I did better than Aniket and Scott, so that's always nice, seeing as they always say I'm an idiot. ; D

I am listening to the song "The Well and the Lighthouse" by Arcade Fire. I love this song a lot, you should check it out. You fool, now that you know your end is near, you always fall for what you desire or what you fear...what you fear...what you fear... I repeat, I love this song. I love the songs. I love the words. Unfortunately, my words seem to be unable to come together lately. I miss my writing, I miss being able to whip out a poem. I miss being able to write a poem slowly. What is wrong lately that makes it so all of them come out choppy, mediocre and dry? We are learning about the structures of poems in class today, and Kaiser said that poets think about these things when they write, but I dont' know any poet who thinks, "I am going to write an iambic pentameter" when they write. I sure don't. Some how I doubt that's why I can't write lately though.

On a good note, for the first time possibly ever, I got to dress exactly how I wanted to today. I wore jeans, plaid shoes and earrings, those weird fishnet-y fingerless glove things...and well...I can't explain the rest, but it was very Katie-esque. Unfortunately, only Liz realized that it was Katie-esque and a few other people asked me why I was wearing that today. Because I like it...duh. It's not what I normally wear, but it's what I have always wanted to wear. I plan to dress like me much more often now. I need to get more of these weird glove things. ; D Anyone know where I can get red tights?

So real quick at the end (though this will probably turn out not to be so quick) I am going to spurt out writing and not pause to think what I'm writing about. Starting....NOW: Freshman elections are coming up. I have to work on making posters tonight, I just remembered. People should really vote for me for President, I want to be more and more now that I think about it. Anything to beat Bekah really, which sounds bad but she already acts like she's president and that really bugs me, and everyone else on student council whom I've talked to. Her friends may want her to be president, but they haven't seen her in action. If you are going to say that every officer has to sign a sheet...don't forget to sign it yourself. Me and Jake are doing good, or at least I think we are, we're good on my side. Though he glared at me after we kissed today...what the hell? Who does that. Silly Jake. I should have pushed him into another senior for that like I did the other day when he called me fat. xD Wow, I am really making him sound like a horrible boyfriend- just so you know, he's not. Hey, Hana if you are reading this which you probably will because you are an excellent friend, well...I don't know what I want to say. Uhm...this must be awkward to read for you? I really don't mind if you don't want to read my blog, or if you don't want me to talk about him to you, I just don't know where my boundaries are there for your comfort zone.

Anyways, peace out.
~Katie

Oh Andrea, you're such a hottie. ; D

So I am officially going out with Jake (though Michelle will always be my boyfriend, and Teri and A-ho will always be my wives, along with all the other people I am married to). That is pretty cool.
Homecoming was okay, it could have been a lot better. Pictures on my myspace, is you don't have myspace, message me and I'll send you them. I really liked me dress, and everyone looked really good. Twas pretty cool.
Hung out with Jake Sunday, that was also fun. We were up at Riley, and we were both really cold. He turned Andrea's Jacket Purple, and if you don't know what that means then you are a dumbass. We hung out with Andrea up at Riley today, and Wendy's, and the dollar store where Andrea bought an ULTRA-THONG. Like ulra-pants, but it is a thong. Yeah. A thong. xD. OH, and want to hear how Andrea described a certain something? Gentle. Is that good or bad? She describes her own experiences as ravenous. xDD
Anyways, so life is pretty good right now. I am doing fairly decent in all my classes I think. I have to do really well on my Spanish test to maintain an okay though. I really hope I do well, because that would be the only thing dragging my GPA down, and as this is the first year I actually have a GPA, I want it to be good. Student council is also fine, the meeting today was completely pointless though. Eddy never even showed up! Stephanie Bagwell led like, 3 minutes of it and then we left. At least my mom bought me a hazelnut capp. on the way though. Ahhh....I love the Looney Baker being near us.
Peace. Out.
~Katie

P.S.-I roll around in cruchy leaves. hellz. yeahz.

Oh my God Katie, you're Horrible!- Michelle Liu, whom I love.

So Stephanie staying over was full of roleplaying, reading near-porn mangas (which I am no longer allowed to pronounce man-guh, but instead mon-guh, not because of Stephanie, because of Jake). Over all it was pretty fun. We started a roleplaying notebook which I really need to write in, and I started roleplaying with her friend Sam who I've heard so much about. By the way she happens to be as awesome as Stephanie said she was.

So I'm in a bit of a bind, which I'm not going to talk about here until after the fact because I don't want things to prematurely go wrong. Anyways, yeah...hopefully it'll end happy. No matter what, I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's hurting my eyes.

Sorry Hana. Seriously though, I love you, and I hope that anything that happens in the future won't affect us, and I hope that whatever happens that I can help you feel better. I don't like to see you sad, but sometimes it's unavoidable, and I'm sorry for that. Honestly.

So, I really wish I could have watched those Gaspard Ulliel movies, they sound really hot and sexy. As in, OMG IT'S FUCKING GASPARD ULLIEL, HOTTTT FAAAACE. That is, if I talked like that. Which I don't...except I do sometimes. : /

So today was pretty fun (there's still time though, parent teacher conferances!) Went and got donuts with Tam and Kay. After we left we tried to break into Frost to go visit our teachers, but finally we ended up going around front and asking if we could go in, but they said after school only, or else "everyone would want to." Then I went home and they went to Alex's, I finished up some homework, and I met them back up at Frost. It was cool, we hung out in MACAT bussing and then saw Senecal and Vasich, but Lamb and Calkin's were in a meeting. It was really fun though, I totally missed Michelle Liu and Nicole. Fernando stole my fedora and danced with Doug and I forget who else, but I have it on my cell phone. xD

Anyways, a quick spurt of emotions! Yayyyyy.....
So I am dreading tommorow because I have to be in the prep rally doing Spirit Games, which I was forced into and I am really not that fond of doing. I don't enjoy being forced into making an ass of myself in front of the whole school. It's just not my style.
Also, I was thinking about it, and I've changed so much in the past 2 years (give a half a year or so). I mean, think about me in seventh grade and now. I freaking changed sexualities. xD

peace. out.

It's that time of year again...

No, not Christmas time (though K-Mart is selling Christmas trees...and already has a Christmas aisle....), it's homecoming time. Now, I say again only because other people have had homecoming time before, but I have not. Luckily for me, the amazing Josh Walker is my date. He is the first person I know to be upset over NOT having to pay for something (as in my ticket). Personally, I don't get why I have to pay to be an officer, and then I have to help set up homecoming if I like it or not. Shouldn't it be the other way around?
I took a Geometry and Spanish test today. I wouldn't be suprised if I thrashed the Geometry test, but I think I bombed Spanish, as in we checked it in class and I already know I did. Yikes! I am having a lot of trouble in that...
Newest updates that haven't been previously mentioned:
-I am super awkward.
-I am a camera whore.
-I am struggling to finalize my homecoming plans (group, food, etc.)
-I love you. That is, if I know you and you are my friends. Tee-hee.
Other things worth mentioning and writing about:
Stephanie is going to be staying over from Thursday (tommorow) until Monday because her parents will be gone. Hopefully that will be fun, but I forgot to clean my room so I'll have to do that after school while she is there. Doesn't that sound like fun? Stephanie coming over does, just the cleaning doesn't. Gag.
I really ought to be getting to bed, have to get up at 5, and I already know I won't be getting enough REM sleep tonight. Sorry folks, but Katie is signing off.
Bye
P.S. The new word for moist is weto. As in "wet-oh".

Updates ; D

So there are two guys, let's call them A and B.
So A comes up to me today and is like, SOMEONE said that I couldn't do any better than SOMEONE. So I was like, what did someone say I said? And they were like, someone told me that you said that i can't do any better than you. Do you believe that because I'll prove you wrong. And then they let it slip that C said that, and C admited that I never said that...soo...but I think/hope I fixed that. Anyways, I guess A picked up that I was sad in the hour we have together and was asking me about it, so I guess at least they care that I am sad, which I say this because C said that A said mean things about me. Confusing 'eh?
Well B was nice and stopped by my locker and walked me to the doors after school, which was sweet. Cause he is awesome. ; )
So I think I am getting a new cell phone, or got one I suppose, but I haven't seen it yet. I am very happy, I think it is a red chocolate, but they didn't confirm that. I am so excited.
Anyways, I am excited for Heroes. That should be awesome, seeing as it is a great show.
Sorry I didn't put a lot of feeling in this post. I'll try to insert some right now.
-I over think thinks too much. It's really not good. Plus I am constantly doubting myself. It's no good. As A said it's not good to keep things inside. It really just makes things messy. And drives you crazy.
-I wish I wasn't so confused about things so often.
-I love life sometimes. : D

Highschool : D

So I'm sorry to Cassie that I haven't wrote in a while. So I started highschool and I must say that I think it's awesome. I like it a lot better than middle school, no offense to Michelle because I love her a ton.

-Quick Note: I just watched a Scrubs episode about sex. So that is interesting.

Anyways, so the football game was last night. That was a lot of fun. Josh Walker is pretty amazing, and so is the girl Jenna who I met. The kid Isaac who I met is also really amazing, and hillarious, but he is soooo sooooo weird.

I am sick right now, but I hope I feel better tommorow because I want to go dress shopping with Lizzi. Speaking of which, I hope that Ian decides to go to homecoming. I am really pissed at him right now, and I'll admit it's pretty stupid to be pissed at him for something that is so trivial, but it made me really angry and I started crying earlier today because he said that "I suck more" after I said that he sucks. Okay, so I know that it sounds like something only first graders cry about, but I did, so I'm sorry. lolz

Anyways, there is this suggestion to lose weight that Liz sent me where you take a picture of yourself shirtless and hold a sign with your e-mail adress and send it to a trusted but sadistic friend and if you don't send them another in 12 weeks with serious improvement then they put it on hotornot.com and send it to the list of people that you gave them. That sounds hillarious and amazing. Horrible, but amazing. Cassie found it too sadistic.

Re-Introduction

As my friend Tam (for those who don't know her) pointed out to me earlier today- or yesterday by now- I haven't blogged in forever. I had forgotten all about the rather small word of blogging, but I decided to re-introduce myself to it. Even if no one reads my post, at least I have an outlet, and since I'm on the computer so much anyways, where a better place than here?

I'm not sure if the title of my blog is going to show up, but it is- or is supposed to be- Japanese for "Thought". I figured that since these are all my thoughts that it would be an appropriate title, and I am rather into the whole Japanese scene latley so I thought it could be cool.

I saw a picture of my friend who I met through another friend today. I talk to him a TON but I had never seen his picture before. It was kind of odd to see it because I had this Shallow Hal thing going in my head, one picture in my mind of how I thought he would look, and one with how I think that he should look if it was to display how good of a person he is (or seems to be). I was a little suprised that he reminded me of one of my brother's friend; there for his face look familiar. I kind of liked the familiarity- not that I jump for joy when I see Steve's friend- but the fact that I really felt like I had known the face all along was nice. I don't know if what I am saying makes sense to anyone, but I can't think of a much better way to describe it.

Anyways, as some of you may know my dream is to become a published author, and for those of you who don't know, from talking to me you should have been perceptive enough to figure out that I would like to be a published author. I am trying to write a book currently- or should I say novel- but I am having a tiny bit of writers block. I am writing it kind of weird, it's in two documents- one is from the start to the middle, and the other from the middle to the end. I'll work on writing the first half of the story and when I get bored I'll work on the second half. This story is based of a dream that I had quite a while ago. I tried to write the story after I have the dream but I soon forgot about it and never wrote anything again. I was reminded a little bit of the dream the other day and I decided to try writing it again, though I don't have nearly as many of the vivid details in my mind that I did when I originaly started writing. I think I will be ab le to manage though. I really hope that I will be able to finish this story. I have never finished anything of any real length before, and if I accomplish this then I know that if I have any talent that someday I will be able to have a book published. It's all in the self-confidence. ;D

I am picking up some pretty nerdy habits lately. I have stayed inside most of the summer reading, writing, going on the computer and watching TV. This wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact that everything I had read I have read obsessively, I continued that obsessiveness on the computer, and most of the things I'ves been watching on TV are anime's that I have been reading the manga's for. Actually, I've been watching Inuyasha on Adult Swim a lot which Steve is having fun making fun of me about, mostly because I am taping them on the DVR. If I were him I'd probably make fun of me too, but I have found it ADDICTING. Maybe it's just because I like their voices (which is odd because I refused to watch Paranoia Agent in English). I haven't read the manga's for Inuyasha though; I probably should as if I recall the show cuts off with out any sort of ending. That would suckkk. I am reading and watching Bleach too. The things I am watching is ahead of what I had been able to read because Steve doesn't own as many as we should be able to buy. Anyways my point is I am turning nerdy, but I really don't mind. It makes me happy, so who cares. I think my parents do actually, and my family was making fun of me at the reunion that I was the whitest girl in America and don't they have sun in Detroit? I couldn't even point out that Lizzi was pale too who was calling herself a vampire (cause she's awesome) because I was paler than Lizzi. Geeezus I didn't realize what not going outside does to your skin tone. When we get back to school I'll be the really pale girl with the dark bags under her eyes from staying up until 4 in the morning every night.

Speaking of staying up late, I have found it an addiction. I am supposed to get up at 8:30ish today and it is 2 o'clock already and I am still not planning on going to bed any time soon. I am crazy, I want to stay awake and keep writing and probably get Carpal Tunnel. Hmm...I want to see if I'm on my way to getting it so I am at YourDiagnosis to see what is wrong with me in general. lolz. I'll tell you the results when I'm done.

Heh. I didn't know what kind of immunizations I've had either than the Chicken Pox one, so it says that my health risks include under immunization and diabties. Hmm..this is a pretty sucky diagnosis, it says nothing is wrong with you. That's boring. I could have told myself that. These people are supposed to find something wrong with me. Let's see what diagnose-me has to say...ughh this one is LONG. OMG! I'm on question 418 and it still has 4 1/2 paged left to go! AURGH!

FUCK! After the hours I took on that stupid questionaire at the very end it's like, oh yeah, give us 25 dollars for your results. I am going to kill them! ARURUGHGH (by the way, I am not actually going to kill them, incase one of them ends up murdered I don't want to be a suspect, that was not a threat). Grr.

Well now I'm all pissed so I'll write later.